The Role as a Girlfriend

There is not a single day that I don't thank whoever is up there watching me that I am blessed with a wonderful man beside me, but sometimes I just don't feel blessed. I feel stressed! I don't have the privilege of being the one who will be wherever he returns to, and I don't have the privilege of being family he could return to. All I could do is be the best friend I can be to him, and I wish so much that he had the time to show me the same everyday. Unfortunately, responsibilities tie both of us down and it's just not possible. Maybe the whole military life surrounds him everyday, but I am not doing well sharing. I would like to see the face that makes me smile and hear the voice that makes me laugh. I don't know where this will take me, but I have not regret one moment of being this so called military girlfriend. I have learned so much and become such a better person. When there are times like this when I feel the pressure, stress, and exhaustion from being who I am, it's comforting to remember what all that determination is for. It's so one day, I can be with him the way I've always dreamed of. If only he realizes how happy I would be and how I would drop everything in a heart beat just so I could be with him. I still know where I am going, and I already know that it wouldn't be the same without him there. His smile keeps me going everyday.

Christmas with my Marine

This year I wished for one thing for Christmas. I wished to spend it with my Marine and I did. I am so thankful for that also. I grew up in a family that had a lot of presents underneath the tree with the presents being the things you asked for. After Daniel came back from boot camp, I realized how special the time we spend together is. Not realizing that before, I had actually began to pick out things I wanted for Christmas, but the moment I got to hold his hand again, I know that all I need was right there. We had gone through some tough things together, but we were there and together. Christmas was coming and I knew the possibility of seeing him was slim. Everything and everyone seemed to be against us spending Christmas together. Feeling so desperate, I wrote  one of those Macy's Santa letters. The first time in a good number of years, I had a request for Old St. Nick. I didn't want anything for Christmas, I only wanted my Marine. I have cried so much since he left from day one, but thinking about how every holiday being just as hard, I cry even more. But regardless, I did get to spend Christmas with him, and I have known from the beginning that it wouldn't be easy. What is getting me now is what I learned while I was with Daniel for Christmas. It never hit me that it may be harder on him than on me, but it finally has. I forget how to talk when I see him cry. He says he just doesn't know what to do and wonders what would have happened if he chose another path. He misses home and misses seeing his friends. It hurts him to know that he is missing some important moments in his life, and I can't seem to help. I can provide all the support in the world for him, but no matter how hard I try, I can't bring him "home." It breaks my heart. When I left him at the end of Christmas day, I was crying a lot. I didn't tell him, but it wasn't only because I will miss him dearly, it was mostly because I keep thinking of his tears and crying for him. I've always wanted him to be happy, and this time, I'm so helpless. I am so proud of him, but I do miss him and I wish I can always be there to fulfill all his wishes. I love him very much.